DATE 9: GOLFING WITH HAPPY GILMORE

   I admit it… this one had me nervous.  I was imagining a day of swinging and missing, over and over, and my date “Happy” getting progressively frustrated with me the way “Peter Colt” did on my Wimbledon date. Don’t get me wrong, I was completely up for golf, but over the phone, my date sounded pretty serious about his golf game, so I asked, “Is this going to be a Bagger Vance date or a Happy Gilmore date?”  To which he replied, “Definitely a Happy Gilmore date, I want this to be fun.”

Okay, then. I was all in. I borrow clubs from my mom with a pretty powder blue bag, a glove, tees, balls… I was ready! Except for this nagging feeling that 18 holes for a first time golfer was going to be a total disaster.

I was a little relieved that he suggested meeting an hour earlier at the driving range. I figured, if he saw that I was never going to hit a ball, that perhaps our date could just continue on at the driving range until I actually hit one.

He came out to meet me in the parking lot in a bright purple shirt that looked great with his tan. There was so much distance between where I parked and where he was walking our from the pro shop, that I found myself jogging to greet him and he stood there with open arms so I ran into them and gave him a hug. It felt like The Bachelor on a hometown date after the couples hadn’t seen each other in a while, only I’d never met him before. So, the date had a nice warm tone to start it off.

We started out at the driving range, and sure enough, first swing… and a miss. So, he walked up behind me and said, “I’m not being fresh,” as he adjusted my stance and helped me practice the form of the swing. I told him not to worry, that this is how they do it in all the movies, so I was expecting it. Sure enough, second swing.. bang! I hit that ball a good 3 feet… but at least I hit it! And it got better from there. Before I knew it I was hitting like a pro.. okay, not even close to a pro, but Happy was impressed, as was I.

We were ready to hit the course! He was going to buy us energy drinks and snacks, but not knowing what to expect, I came prepared with large bottles of smart water, cashews, and gluten free protein bars. I have to admit, driving the golf cart around was my favorite part, although, when I hit those balls and they went where I wanted, that was pretty cool.

That said, there are a lot of phrases that just sound perverted when you’re playing golf. I mean, you’re talking about a sport with words like wood and balls, and strokes should be harder or more gentle. It just makes for a lot of awkward moments. But none could prepare us for the awkward moment at the 3rd hole! I had lost my rhythm, so he decided to demonstrate the stroke for me, and I didn’t realize he was going to swing full out and he didn’t realize how close I was and he ended up whacking me right in the boobs. I wish I had a picture of his face (not that I could post it). He was absolutely mortified. This was a make or break moment, so I decided to make it, by saying, “You’re lucky they’re real or you would have busted them!”  We both laughed which eliminated any lingering, underlying, first date tension.

It was definitely a Happy Gilmore date. For the first two holes we had another cart with us, a third guy who asked if he could join us.  I decided to name him Elmer, because it just fit. Elmer kept cheating and because we were slowing him down, he took off on his own during the 3rd hole. From that point on Happy would let me move my ball, skip water traps, and just overall cheat, calling it “an Elmer.” First date, and we already had an inside joke. I was also collecting interesting golfballs that people had left behind, including a spongebob squarepants ball, and I got a pretty blue shell as a souvenir.

The alone time in the cart was good for talking about ourselves, and getting to know each other better. We had lunch at the snack bar after the ninth hole, where I was told there was a gator on the 16th hole. I couldn’t wait, I was camera ready! By the 13th hole, he asked if it was too early to ask if I’d like to go out again. At this point we’d been hanging out 5 hours, and were having a good time, I agreed to go out again. We talked about what I like doing and by the 15th hole, he asked if it would be inappropriate to ask to come to a yoga class with me. I told him it wasn’t. By the 18th hole it started to rain and I was exhausted so we decided to call it a day.

I discovered that he is romantic and thoughtful (he asked if I would like to keep the score card as a memento and when I said yes, he wrote the date on it). We hugged, and he gave me a quick kiss goodbye, and called me 10 minutes later, leaving me a message to thank me for a wonderful day. He pretty much did everything right. And he has nice legs!

So, next week… yoga class. We’ll see how it goes.