Okay, as promised, Happy and I went to yoga together. The thing is, my yoga buddy, is my mother.. and mom comes first. Happy had a choice: meet me at yoga, and meet my mother OR no yoga date. He chose wisely.
What can I say? When an athletic male does yoga for the first time, it’s a rude awakening. They think because they are in such good shape and have been working out for so long, that it’s going to be a piece of cake. But here’s the thing… the more you weight train and the less you stretch out through the years, the more of a rude awakening your first yoga class is.
Flexibility was not his strong point, but as my beautiful teacher Stacey says, “Blessed with stiffness.” And that he was. It didn’t help, that I’ve been getting ambitious with my poses recently, trying to take my practice to the next level. So, afterwards, the first words out of his mouth when we sat down to talk, were, “I looked over and your whole body was side balancing on your hands.”
Well, it did take me about 17 years to get there, so he really can’t compare his 1 hour to my many years. But that’s what guys do, and he was a little quiet when we chatted after. Or should I say, when I did all the talking… after all, mom and I had started with 40 minutes of cardio and then I did an intense yoga class, and now I sounded like I’d just eaten an entire bag of Ghiradelli dark chocolate morsels (because me eating chocolate = other people sniffing a pound of cocaine… seriously, I sounded like a speed head!).
He asked about taking me to dinner next week, and I said yes. But here’s where we stand: He’s very nice, polite, a gentleman, and has soft skin. He’s thoughtful, pretty cute, and again, has nice legs. BUT… so far, he doesn’t make me laugh (bad sign), I haven’t really found that we have much in common, I also think he may be a bit of a neat freak/OCD/rigid planner (he, and I quote “CSIed my car” and concluded within seconds that I had a dog… is that just an observation? Or an aversion to the fact that I don’t obsessively vacuum her dog hair out). And as Brooks said on The Bachelorette (yes, I’m going reality TV on y’all) “I don’t think about you when I’m not with you.” Which I have in common with Brooks. Shouldn’t I feel excited and be thinking about him? Or is my lack of dating experience, setting my expectations too high?
So, my predicament is, do I go out to dinner with him, allowing him to pay, when I know it’s a field investigation where I will be determining if he has a trace of a sense of humor and if we have anything in common? OR, is it unfair to have him shell out dough on a dinner, when I’m pretty sure I know what my investigation will uncover? Is third time a charm or a waste of our time?
I leave it up to you my beloved readers… YOU will determine by your comments if there will be a date number 3… and please hurry as he is waiting for my choice of restaurant.
Geez, no sign of a sense of humor yet? And you are still dating him why? A guy with a sense of humor (i.e. perspective) would have made some cute crack about your yoga skills, then laughed at himself a little with another joke. He’d have admired your form (in yoga and out). He might have said something about having met the mother, when did he get to meet the dog?
So I ask you…are you really going to enjoy date number three?
I’m cheering for you! 🙂
Sure, why not? It’s just a date.
Go to dinner. You’re worth it.
I don’t recall the first date but the second was too lopsided for the jock to be himself. You and your mom have been doing yoga for ages, he’s trying to impress but that can’t happen so he’s humiliated and off his “game.”
Plus, if you say your lack of dating may have skewered your expectations, do as you preach. Think of it as you do a job interview or audition; the more you go on the better you get at it. It’s only dinner, give the guy a chance to be on somewhat stable ground. After all, you ARE intimidating to the average jock.
Not thinking of him when you’re apart, at this early stage may be perfect. A good relationship need to grow, right? If you were goo-goo over him when apart it may just be an infatuation; your projecting onto him what you hope it is. I’ve found I do this.
My criteria when out with a woman is; if I’m thinking I’d be having more fun riding my motorcycle, then the date’s over. And that’s happened. So if you’re out and feel you’d have more fun with your dog or watching an old Rom-Com, the date’s over.
Or you’re on your way to spinsterhood!!!
I say go on the third date but offer to split the check. If there is still no laughter and no common interest it is time to say goodbye.
Hmm … if nothing went obviously wrong, I’d say at least offer to pay half.
Does he read the blog? lol.
To me, offering to pay half is a ‘signal’ and might be a nice way to let him down easy. In my experience, the only women that have ever offered to pay half told me “thanks, but I’m just not interested” the next day. **
== John ==
** after french kissing good night … in one case for about 5 minutes … really?
I say give him the benefit of the doubt and go on date #3. He may have just been very nervous meeting your mom and trying out his yoga skills. If after the third date he still hasn’t shown some sense of humor, then it’s time to part ways. My husband is a definite neatfreak, but he also has a big sense of humor and makes me laugh all of the time. Balance isn’t just for the yoga mat, it also applies to personality. 🙂
That’s a tough one. But I agree with Ray, his second date experience was skewed against him. I’d say give him one more chance to move from friend to more-than-friend category.
Hello?….there has to be a third date. Unless I read it wrong, you already agreed to go. If you don’t, you run the risk of social media backlash for the party foul of a reneg. He has to know you have a FB page and as someone else has posted, likely knows of this being blogged. This guy HAS to make YOU laugh? Dare I ask what, if anything, this poor chap should expect on a date from your end (non pun intended)? He went to a Yoga Class with you and your Mom. Relationships are about give and take. Give this guy a little rope and you will probably be pleasantly surprised. Me, I’d show up at the restaurant with a book of jokes and just start reading them.
Jessica, what about suggesting someplace/something really casual instead of a dinner date? I remember enjoying lunch dates when I was single because I could get out in an hour. Maybe coffee? His lack of a sense of humor and concern over your dog are major red flags to me, yet, I believe he does deserve another chance. To his credit, a first-timer at yoga with Mom…well he definitely was trying!
No laughter equal no bueno. Loved your post though. Looking forward to reading about the guy that rocks your world. xo
Write on!~
Lisa
What else have you got in your calendar that day – isn’t it nice just to meet different people and experience new places and things. I’d go on the date for that reason alone and rather than think of it as a date just think of it as a catchup with a new friend.
He might be “humor shy” and needs to know you a bit more. Try the date – and play to humor, see if he perks up. After all, he went to yoga class with your MOM!
Just found you and loving your blog! Okay, if you’re asking your readers to weigh in, I have to agree with Mary Ellen *totally.* If you’ve already promised a third date, I’d suggest coffee and just get’er done (Cars! – I have a 6 yo boy. 😉 This guy obviously isn’t the one. Of course, one of the first things I look(ed) (as I’m now happily married going on 16 years) is a sense of humor. My husband’s a cutie but I have to say that it was his sense of humor that first attracted me to him. You have to be a fun-loving girl to even be going on this adventure and humor will be something you need as you go along in this life with someone.
You might consider your second meeting a date. It was yoga and your Mom was there. Not much of a date. Go to dinner at a really fun place where the volume still permits two people to have a conversation. See if you find his sense of humor. Let him pay. You deserve it.
Okay, coming into the movie halfway (or one-third) through, I went back and read the first date. He does have a sense of humor (he did laugh at the boob comment and called “Elmers”) and you did have a good time and accepted a second date. I say go for the third date on neutral ground (golf course was his and the yoga studio was yours) and make it casual and where you can talk. If it is something you can do together you have a chance to bond and can if there is any chemistry.
I’d go on date three and see if he can make you laugh or if you have anything more in common … Maybe your active dates have just had him off his game a bit, especially if yoga wasn’t his thing!