DATE 2: THE COLOR OF MONEY; HUSTLING WITH VINCENT LAURIA

I must admit, I had my doubts about this one. My date called me the night before and said, “I really don’t want to do this ‘movie thing’ I’m taking this very seriously and want to take you out on a real date for dinner.” I responded, “I can’t take a guy seriously who’s not interested in taking what I’m doing seriously. I’m not interested in going out for a typical dinner. I want to get to know you by going on a date that reveals something about you and your interests.” I wasn’t harsh, I was honest. There is a method to my madness and it was proven on this date!

He suggested a few activities: golf range, batting cages, drive in movie. I told him I’d do whatever he wanted. “But I want you to like it,” he said. I assured him, if he was doing something he liked, I would enjoy it.

Date day, he calls me. “We’re going on a Color of Money date.” Okay, pool I figured. Still at this point assuming he was more focused on doing something to entertain  me rather than something that meant something to HIM.

My doubts began to subside when I met him outside of the bar and noticed he was carrying a leather case with his own pool stick. You don’t own your own pool stick if you’re not into pool. Good start! 

We walked into the bar and I was immediately hit with the familiar sound of Toby Keith. This was a dive bar that played country music! I am officially all in on this date! I decided Whiskey was appropriate, so I ordered a Dirty Virgin Whiskey Sour. The waitress thought I was a crazy person when I whipped out my recipe card.

Turns out Vincent has been playing pool since he was a little boy. He loves it and he’s good at it. He was teaching me the basics; how to rack, how to break, how to chalk my stick. You have to understand, for someone who is used to being in “control” it was really nice to have a guy take the lead (another benefit to these types of dates- new territory).

I’m actually a pretty good pool player myself, he learned… then he learned that I’m actually a pretty good cheater. It didn’t take him long to realize that when he walked away to take a sip of his beer, I was sneaking balls into the pockets. On the other hand, it took me a little longer to realize the reason he kept walking away to drink his beer was because he was hiding his cigarettes.

Other than his smoking, the date was going well. He made me laugh, a lot! He was also using lines from the movie (I didn’t know it well enough, but was really happy that he had chosen a movie that meant something to him). We attempted to attract some players over to our table so we could “hustle them,” but I think showing up with your own pool stick is a bit of a give away.  I was given a nickname, (how often does that happen on a first date? See? Bonding!) he was calling me Shot Blocker (could’ve been worse right 😉 ). Apparently I have a knack, even without any skill, for landing the cue ball in a nest of my balls leaving him with no shot at all. While he kept insisting I was a skilled player, I kept reassuring him that there is a difference between “luck” and skill, and the only thing I was bringing to the table was luck.

He taught me how to play 9 ball which I really enjoyed, except that it made it impossible for me to cheat (other than blocking certain pockets with various body parts). Then Madonna’s Lucky Star came on and he shared that it is one of his favorite songs. It was one of those moments like when a guy tells you that his favorite movie is Steel Magnolias. I couldn’t stop laughing. My tough pool hustler is an early Madonna fan.

But there was an elephant in the room that had to be addressed. I won’t date a smoker. Yes, I realize this is probably going to cut out 3/4 of the men in Florida.  The bottom line for me is that I live an extremely healthy lifestyle. Not only do I not want to be around cigarette smoke, I want to be with someone who values health. I’m looking for the One, and as I’m starting later in my life, I’d like him to be around for a while. Vincent’s argument was that he could pull into a gas station for a pack of cigarettes, and by him doing so, the consequences of his pulling off the road could cause the car behind him to get into a fatal car crash. His point, “When it’s your time, it’s your time.” Sorry, Vincent, nice try, but I’m not buying into your philosophy.

His second argument was a bit more compelling. He had a tough shot and when he went for it, the cue ball bounced off the table and hit him in his cigarette pack… literally. If that big pack of cigarettes hadn’t been in his jeans pocket, his “boys” would have been very unhappy and our date would have taken a weird turn. Who needs to wear a cup when you’ve got a pack of Marlboros in your pocket?

But here’s where my reasons for “the movie date” theme really came into play. We’d been shooting pool for 2 hours. We were relaxed, focused on the activity, laughing, it had no awkwardness of a typical first date. Then I asked him how long he’d had his own pool cue (I found out that “stick” isn’t the general name for them). That’s when the conversation got serious. While I will respect his privacy as far as the details of our conversation, I can share that the nature of the conversation over the next hour was deeply personal. Because he took me on a date and shared an activity that meant something to him, it created the  space that allowed him to be vulnerable and in turn allowed me to be vulnerable. I have never had a conversation with someone like this on a first date. It was the kind of conversation that made me genuinely like him. I know if we had been sitting across from each other in a restaurant booth, I never would have seen this side of him.

After three hours of pool he asked if I wanted to go to a diner and get something to eat. Apparently there is a diner scene in the movie. We went, but the diner was closed, though he got an A for effort.

At the end of the date I kissed him on the cheek. Mints or no mints, I just can’t get past the smoking, although after this date I wish I could. He joked that he’d quit, but I firmly believe a person has to quit because they’re ready not because they’re doing it to get a second date. That said, he sent me a very sweet text when I got home asking for a second date. I’m still on the fence…

Feel free to offer your advice in the comment section below.